Realization

Vaughn got his first "naughty" report. bummer.

This has been so hard for me! Because of Vaughn's loving demeanor, I guess I always thought he would be perfect. I mean, I guess it's just so easy to think your child is an angel. I never thought I would be one of those moms, but I got sucked in. SUCKED RIGHT IN, I tell ya!

..and the BIG blue eyes just make it worse.

Yesterday when I dropped Vaughn off, his teacher told me that he has been pushing and hitting kids. I wasn't trying to make up excuses but Vaughn has been bullied by a few babies since he was a crab (in his old room; not a literal crab). Another teacher told me last week that Vaughn gets picked on but when it gets bad, he does stick up for himself. Unfortunately, I think the sticking up for himself is pushing others until they walk away. He's starting to become the more aggressive child in the room.

I was so upset. Incredibly sad that Vaughn was behaving in such a terrible way. I blamed...me. What did I do? He doesn't display those behaviors at home with Dave and me. I guess he was getting rough with Molly, but I always stopped him, told him 'nice touch' and sometimes removed him from the situation. He did almost hit her with her drum stick. Did I do the right thing? Did I stop him. I guess he didn't hurt her. I did tell him to tell her he was sorry. I even looked up the sign for sorry to teach him. He did give her a kiss and a hug. I did everything my books tell me to do. He's only 17 months. What else can I do? Is he learning it from me? What if he hurts someone? What can I do better?" and blah blah, blah, blah - BLAH! My thoughts really consume me sometimes and unfortunately they can get very negative, fast.

Then I realized something remarkable. Vaughn is a person. with a brain. and a free will.

He's going to do things that I don't agree with. He's going to do things that disappoint me. He's going to get in trouble if he's anything like his Father (as for me, I was that sweet angel...right, dad?).  But, Dave and I can do the best we can do by providing boundaries and teaching him what is right and wrong. As he gets older, he will make his own choices whether or not I agree with him. Well, not when he gets older, he's already making choices. He chooses to kiss people. He chooses to hit people. HIS choices. I just pray every single day that we can help him make the right choices and learn from the choices he does make.

As for his naughty behavior, his teacher told me this morning that he was actually really good yesterday. He was nice to his friends. I guess I'm doing an okay job.